The day after...

Yesterday, we remembered Sept. 11 and the ten years since. I went to church, led prayer and participated in remembering with everyone else. The images, the feelings, and the heartbreak seem to be as real. I think we, as a nation, are somewhere between anger and acceptance.

I remember ten years ago. I was in college. I had just skipped my 8am class and was watching SportsCenter, stretched out on the couch. Then it happened, and I quickly turned to a cable news channel. I saw the second plane hit live on tv, and the reporter lost it. They cut her audio immediately. I knew what was happening, but doubted whether I was right. Unfortunately, every fear would be confirmed over the next few hours. No one went to class that day, we were all frozen. Two of my friends lost parents. Several people I knew lost friends. Everyone lost innocence. Terror has a new definition when you experience it.

Yesterday, I relived those moments a few times on stage. While leading our church in prayer, the emotion of the memory crept in through my words. It was hard, a couple of times, to stay composed. I don't know what all of this means, but I do know that we have forged ahead. I know we are building things back: the buildings, our lives, our economy, our faith.

The day after 9/11 was real, too. The crash sites were still smoldering. The hope of finding life seemed to fade like a quick winter sunset. The coldness of tragedy had further to sink in. Horrible. It was this day after, ten years ago, no one talks about very much, except those who experienced the most tragedy. For some taking framed pictures to the sites in hopes of finding dad, for some getting an all too sudden confirmation call about family...the dam was leaking even more. On the day after 9/11, more tragedy blossomed.

The day after 9/11, we also began to heal. Just like a gushing flesh wound, it seemed that we were desperately trying to just put pressure on the wound. The blood was furiously gushing. But in the midst of the trauma, true to form, our healers emerged. Firefighters, doctors, police, nurses, and many in the helping professions kept traveling to the sites. We wasted no time when it came to begin healing, even if that meant more sacrifice.

Several people I know hate thinking about national pride and faith together, but in this moment, I know no other conversation. I am grateful that God continues to show his nature through his creation. Yes, tragedy happened, and there are questions that ask why and blame the same God. However, the nature of God is to renew and heal through sacrifice. Jesus is proof of that. I don't like some parts of the story, but I know that I don't understand it all, either. National pride? I suppose, to some extent, because this is my country and my community. I am proud that God used us all.

Yes, God answers prayer through us, creation. The very thing that can never be crushed is this reality.

Romans 8:38-45

New Living Translation (NLT)

 ³⁸ And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[a] neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. ³⁹ No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Honest Reactions

We've had quite the few weeks: end of summer, earthquake(s), hurricane, my daughter just got tubes in her ears... So, I have some reactions to a few things, now that they're behind us all (somewhat).

End of Summer:

• I'm glad school is back in session. Starbucks is less crowded with the minors, and the "grumpy old man" part of my personality appreciates that.
  
• We had a great series on movies and God this summer. It was a lot of fun and I enjoyed teaching in it. I hope we do something even cooler next summer.
• Lucy (my kid) spent a little more than two weeks with her grandparents. It sure was nice to catch up on some sleep, and I think the grandparents enjoyed it as well. However, we were happier to have her back each time. I have a feeling that missing her when she's away will only get worse from here.
  
• My wife is entering her final FALL semester at Loyola Grad School. I'm so proud of her. She has a little bit of work left in her degree, and it will be challenging. BUT, she'll knock it out of the park, I have no doubt. We're entertaining all job offers, so if you have a school counseling position available, nab her up asap. Your school will be better with Shauna.
  

Earthquake(s)

• I was sitting in Panera when it happened. I honestly thought my friend, Liz, was shaking the back of my chair. When I realized it wasn't her, I was confused and thought I had vertigo. When I made eye contact with her, and realized what was happening, I instantly became freaked out.
  
• When I say freaked out, I mean it in a "Oh, Lord, the earth is moving and I can't quite wrap my head around this moment enough to react" kind of way. I guess I was in shock.
  
• Afterwards, I felt the best reaction was one of gratitude and levity. So, I took the next few hours to make myself and those around me laugh.
  
• We have a lot to be thankful and grateful for. We didn't experience casualties or anything like that. In fact, others (Californians) chose to make fun of us for our shock and awe. I understand, I do the same thing to them when it rains.
  

Hurricane Irene:

• Again, we're pretty blessed. I'll admit the media coverage annoyed me. It was apocalyptic. We cancelled our church services, and that annoyed me. I love getting together with my church.
  
• Honestly, I was pretty annoyed by the caution and coverage. I really think things get over-dramatized. However, now I am hearing that over 40 people have been killed in this storm. I don't think any of those families are thinking like me...none of them are annoyed by the caution and coverage. Every family is grieving, and I am not experiencing that. My family is ok, we never lost power, and the only thing that really happened is the latch on my back gate is warped. I am so blessed.
  
• Now, I'm annoyed when I hear the pleas for prayer for schools to be cancelled for another day, power to not be interrupted, cable TV to come back on, and our luxurious lives to return to normal. May I suggest we count our blessings, and try to de-prioritize our luxuries? I'm speaking to myself, mostly. I cannot imagine the horror of losing my wife or my daughter. May I also suggest we pray and think of those folks who are not experiencing our blessings? May we actually be able to be the love of God to someone? There's a lesson in here, somewhere, I'm sure.
  
• I'm thankful we were prepared, especially in ways I will never know. Big shout outs to you public service peeps who care. Thank you. And thank God, that not only am I safe, but I have an opportunity to bring healing and love to someone else (you know, the whole freely give type of thing).
  

My daughter just got tubes in her ears:

• Literally, like 3 hours ago. She woke up from the minor/ quick surgery and she was pissed. There's nicer words to use, but pissed pretty much sums it up. I can't blame her.
  
• Now, I think she is eating breakfast and feeling better. She's had 6+ ear infections since June, and she needed the tubes.
• Again, we're blessed to have the medical care we have. God is so good.
  

So, there's some ramblings and reactions. My feelings change with the wind, and I feel that I'm learning and growing through everything. Hope everything with you and yours is doing well, and you realize how truly blessed you are. Once you realize your blessings, you notice where you can bring healing, dignity, help, acceptance, and love. True self reflection leads to more and more outward focus.

Why so quiet?

God speaks. I read about that in the Bible. I hear people tell stories of God has “spoken” to them. I pray and wait for God’s booming, cloud splitting voice and...nothing. Know the feeling?

It always seems that the moments I really want God to speak loudly, he becomes the most quiet. Why is that? I don’t know. I speculate. I wonder what he would say if he were physically across from me right now.

The times when I really need input are the times that I seem to put more pressure on him. Why so serious, God? Just speak up. Why don’t you answer me? At times, I feel like I’m acting out an Adam Sandler movie rant.



Following Jesus has certainly been irritating, at times. When it seems that God is silent is definitely one of them. I suppose my expectations are for him to answer me like I would answer...loud and fast. Maybe with more fanfare, ya know, a lightning bolt and thunderclap or two. The difficult reality is that I’m not God, nor is He me. That’s a never ending reality shift and, on the surface I totally support it, but deep within I wrestle with.

God isn’t me. He does speak, and he does in his own way, much like me and my daughter. I love my girl, she has just turned one. She has her own language. This morning, it sounded like she was practicing her vowels...AHHH, EHHH, OOOOOH! over and over and over. It was so cute. Her mom and I are teaching her what NO means (it seems like a never ending battle), and we wonder if she ever really hears us. Occasionally, she’ll impress me. For instance, she has this little doll she carries around. Her mom and I will say to her, “love the baby!” and she will hug and give it a sloppy open mouth kiss (more like a bite), and she’ll make happy noises. I love that. The other day, I asked her, “Where is your baby?” and she walked across the room, picked up the doll, and brought it back to me. I was impressed. She actually seemed to understand what I said and brought her doll to me. I have been talking to this child ever since she was born. She is just now beginning to recognize and respond with a bit of understanding. It’s fun to watch.

I can’t help but think that I’m this way with God. He has said so much to me that I probably don’t even realize. His word, his creation, his presence. Paul talks about how all of creation is telling God’s story (Romans 1). How much am I not getting? When I do occasionally “get it” is he impressed? I suppose it’s all about growing.

One of the biggest “getting it” moments I have had centers around a verse in Revelation 3:7: “Write this letter to the angel of the church in Philadelphia. This is the message from the one who is holy and true, the one who has the key of David. What he opens, no one can close; and what he closes, no one can open:”

The last part of that verse is key: “What he opens, no one can close; and what he closes, no one can open.” Here’s my AH HA! moment: God can open and close whatever he chooses. Brilliantly simple, no? This has resulted in my prayer: “God, you see what is lying before me, you see the decision I have to make, you see who will be affected, you know how I will be changed; continue to open the door or slam it shut. Give me your wisdom and discernment. I’m trusting you. If I begin moving in the wrong direction, make it obvious to me, and slam the door shut. In the same way, continue to open the doors and make the way clear for me. Only you can open the doors that no one can close, and only you can close the doors that no one can open.”

So basically, if something doesn’t work out, it is a great answer, in my opinion. If a door continues to open, I am also blessed (and a bit more encouraged than when it slams shut). I’m on this journey with a God who wants me to understand, speak his language, and not be blinded by my surroundings. I can’t help but think that, sometimes, He gets a kick out of my efforts and proudly tells the story of when I understood. I want to be that kid more often.

The Sacred Shelf

The Sacred Shelf

There is a shelf in my office with books on it. Sure, there are quite a few shelves like it, but one shelf in particular holds 7 books that I hold sacred. These books are incredibly special to me. Each of these books have impacted my life in real ways; my life changed when I read these books for the first time. My life continues to change as I reread them each year. Two of them are written to pastors, but all of them are relevant and powerful. My notes and a few autographs make these books irreplaceable (to me). I wouldn’t sell them. No way.

So here, in no particular order, is my sacred shelf. Read through it and see if there is something that peaks your interest. Let me encourage you to read. Reading continues to change my life.

1. Under the Unpredictable Plant: An Exploration in Vocational Holiness, by Eugene Peterson. Eugene is my favorite author. You may recognize his name as the guy who paraphrased The Message Bible. I got him to autograph this copy. It is worn and highlighted. He wrote it back in the 80‘s (way before it’s time, in my opinion). This book is what pushed me over the edge to pursue vocational ministry. It is direct, it is challenging, it is uncomfortably authentic. My favorite quote: “A successful writer will discover a workable plot and write the same book over and over all his life to the immense satisfaction of his readers. The readers can be literary without thinking or dealing with truth. Prostitute writer. A successful pastor will discover a workable program and repeat it in congregation after congregation to the immense satisfaction of her parishioners. The church members can be religious without praying or dealing with God. Prostitute pastor.”
   
   
2. Pentecostal Theology and the Christian Spiritual Tradition by Simon Chan. This is a book where I get really nerdy. It isn’t a book, really...it is a journal from the Pentecostal Theology Supplemental Series. It is also out of print and very difficult to find. Anyway, Chan talks in this book on how Pentecostal tradition has defined “Baptism in the Holy Spirit” and he gives clear and researched arguments for traditioning, implementation, tongues, and how the church lives. It is a very practical and “normal” way to interpret tongues in the various contexts. I hate the stigmas that Pentecostals have inherited, and, I feel, if more people were to study Chan’s work, it could be lived out differently and in a more normal way. (So much for ShakeyourbonbonIseethebikini...say it fast...it’s like talking in tongues)
   
   
3. (Re)Understanding Prayer by Kyle Lake. Wonderful, practical book on prayer. Kyle was a pastor in Texas (University Baptist) when he wrote this book. I love it. Very readable and simple. He also speaks my Gen-X language. Kyle died several years ago. This book is great.
   
   
4. The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love That Lasts by Gary Chapman. It is a foundational book that all couples should read. “Brilliant cheese” is my one liner review. He’s old school, he’s old, and he’s cheesy...but the material is golden. I require all the couples I counsel to read and discuss this book with me (along with Dave Ramsey’s book on money). If you read and apply the principles here, your relationships will be better off. I reread it to stay grounded and challenged to love my wife and my daughter in their own unique way.
   
   
5. A Tale of Three Kings: A Study in Brokenness by Gene Edwards. Classic leadership and brokenness book. I usually have interns and young staff leaders read this book with me in coaching. It is written as a poetic expression of three leaders and three perspectives. It is a very ground level book for leadership, in my opinion.
   
   
6. The Way of the Heart: Desert Spirituality and Contemporary Ministry by Henri Nouwen. This is quite possibly one of the only books that have made me sit in a fetal position and rock back and forth. It is hauntingly personal and developmental for a spiritual experience. It covers three disciplines and weaves their importance altogether: silence, solitude, and prayer. I thought about becoming a monk after reading this the first time. It is deep. It is challenging. Read with caution.
   
   
7. In the Name of Jesus: Reflections on Christian Leadership by Henri Nouwen. Henri made the shelf twice! That’s only because he was brilliant (he’s dead). This book is a response of his own leadership findings after a huge life transition. He speaks to the leadership and the big temptations of Christ (to be relevant, spectacular, and powerful). Truly a brilliant work. Very small book, but packs power in its punch. If you are a leader and haven’t read this book, stop and go buy it.
   

So, what are your favs? Do you have books (or blogs or whatever) that have changed your life? Care to share?

Planning a quick, slow death

I used to be a week to week type of dude. I looked at a week, I planned for it, and that was that. It worked perfectly. The only time I really needed to work ahead was when I had vacation days coming up. I wasn’t a procrastinator, but I did occasionally find more work at the end of the week than I would have liked.

When I was a youth pastor, a week to week approach worked pretty perfectly. When I started growing my career, I found that it was, well...stupid. I was led to this thinking by several random questions that I kept asking:

• Why would a pastor only write a sermon a few days before delivery?
• Why would a band work on a piece of music mere hours before it was to be shared with an audience?
• Why in the world would I allow my time to be sucked away by poor planning?
  

The reality is this: crap happens. Week to week is slow death. This lesson is one my teams have helped me to learn, and that we are constantly working on. Everyone affects everyone. That means my sermon prep affects the music folks, and their excitement over new songs affects my sermon prep. When we work together, we have to work out in front of our goals, and we have to work hard.

Right now, I have the privilege of working with 9 different teams each weekend. We rely on each other. Along with that, we work with 4-5 other prep teams for what we have to accomplish. It’s sort of a funny flowchart, but there is no way we could accomplish our goal if we worked week to week. Since I am a part of the teams, from concept to delivery, it is quite daunting to think of the work we have to accomplish, and do so on time. I’m lucky to work with several pros who help this along. I simply ask questions at this point.

Getting to our current planning process (regarding our teaching series) has been quite the journey. I believe each team has to find their own rhythm and chemistry in the implementation. However, if you lead a team, you had better be helping them plan and plan in advance. We work about 3-4 months out on concept before delivery. That means that we work on it before the deadline. Our goal is to get to 6 months out. We’re not there yet.

I’ve included a snapshot of our process. Click on it and enlarge it. Look it over. If it helps you think or change your own normal, awesome. If you have something that can make our lives better, PLEASE SHARE IT.

Of course, Murphy lingers (ya know, Murphy's law?) and causes us to change course from time to time. Our goal is not to be so structured that we can't adapt. Our goal is to be structured enough, so that when we feel the need to change course, we can do so without utter chaos and disorder... but that's another post : )

That's Not My Job

I used to hear those words and cringe. Honestly, at times I have thought those were some of the most selfish words ever spoken, especially when it comes to working on a team. Over the years, I’ve learned and lived the difference between being willing to serve and being willing to lower the average.

Andy Stanley wrote a book called, The Next Generation Leader. The main principle that I took away is this: do what only you can do. This has applied to me in a lot of different ways. For instance, this week I will do tasks that no one else around me can do as well as I. BUT, when someone joins our team that can do it better than me (or at least 75% as well), I will gladly hand the task off. It hasn’t always been that way, though.

Throughout my time as a pastor (about 9 years...man, I am getting old), one of the things I have been really good at is organizing events: concerts, conferences, humanitarian efforts, mission trips, etc. I actually enjoy doing it. I’m pretty good at it. But, that’s not what God put me in ministry to do...I am not an event planner. I am a leader...I am a pastor...I am a coach...I am a multiplier. If I just planned events over and over, it would be OK. But, if I lean in to my calling and passions, more events get planned. I say this matter-of-factly, and with the text, there’s no emotion attached to it. Many of the events I planned weren’t fun. But, then there is Kenya.

I love Kenya. I love taking teams of people to work with my friends, Danny and Chrissy Bass. The day is fast approaching that I will hand off those teams to others. I dread that day...but I know it is for the best. I am empowering others and multiplying the ministry. I’m like this foundation type of guy...setting it up, doing it, and handing it off. But Kenya, I love this one dearly.

So, what do I do? Do I hold on to leading trips and teams because I am passionate about it? Or do I obey what I know God has called me to do and hand this piece off? What if God has something better planned for my gifts? What if, instead of one team every year or two, He’s getting me ready for something bigger? What if he is getting the work in Kenya ready for something bigger? That seems to be the trend so far. I should be leaning into this with excitement, but I don’t know the end result, yet.

I can empower and release leaders. Others can lead, others should lead. I should empower and release them to lead. If I don’t, not only am I holding back the passion and leadership of others, but I am short changing myself and God’s greater purpose. I want to lean in and do my job...

What has God called you to do that no one else can do? What’s your purpose? Are you chasing after that? Maybe it’s time to take a next step...like I seem to always be doing. Maybe, for you, it’s time to take a first step and discover. What do you think? Where are you on this journey?

Vintage Video

When I was a youth pastor, we shot this video. Audio is not great, and the dude who did the shooting/ editing is now a big shot living in Cali doing video work and making a name for himself.
Most of the kids in this video have now graduated or is in high school. Man, I'm getting old.
Enjoy.

What is love? (according to kids) from nate drye on Vimeo.