God speaks. I read about that in the Bible. I hear people tell stories of God has “spoken” to them. I pray and wait for God’s booming, cloud splitting voice and...nothing. Know the feeling?
It always seems that the moments I really want God to speak loudly, he becomes the most quiet. Why is that? I don’t know. I speculate. I wonder what he would say if he were physically across from me right now.
The times when I really need input are the times that I seem to put more pressure on him. Why so serious, God? Just speak up. Why don’t you answer me? At times, I feel like I’m acting out an Adam Sandler movie rant.
Following Jesus has certainly been irritating, at times. When it seems that God is silent is definitely one of them. I suppose my expectations are for him to answer me like I would answer...loud and fast. Maybe with more fanfare, ya know, a lightning bolt and thunderclap or two. The difficult reality is that I’m not God, nor is He me. That’s a never ending reality shift and, on the surface I totally support it, but deep within I wrestle with.
God isn’t me. He does speak, and he does in his own way, much like me and my daughter. I love my girl, she has just turned one. She has her own language. This morning, it sounded like she was practicing her vowels...AHHH, EHHH, OOOOOH! over and over and over. It was so cute. Her mom and I are teaching her what NO means (it seems like a never ending battle), and we wonder if she ever really hears us. Occasionally, she’ll impress me. For instance, she has this little doll she carries around. Her mom and I will say to her, “love the baby!” and she will hug and give it a sloppy open mouth kiss (more like a bite), and she’ll make happy noises. I love that. The other day, I asked her, “Where is your baby?” and she walked across the room, picked up the doll, and brought it back to me. I was impressed. She actually seemed to understand what I said and brought her doll to me. I have been talking to this child ever since she was born. She is just now beginning to recognize and respond with a bit of understanding. It’s fun to watch.
I can’t help but think that I’m this way with God. He has said so much to me that I probably don’t even realize. His word, his creation, his presence. Paul talks about how all of creation is telling God’s story (Romans 1). How much am I not getting? When I do occasionally “get it” is he impressed? I suppose it’s all about growing.
One of the biggest “getting it” moments I have had centers around a verse in Revelation 3:7: “Write this letter to the angel of the church in Philadelphia. This is the message from the one who is holy and true, the one who has the key of David. What he opens, no one can close; and what he closes, no one can open:”
The last part of that verse is key: “What he opens, no one can close; and what he closes, no one can open.” Here’s my AH HA! moment: God can open and close whatever he chooses. Brilliantly simple, no? This has resulted in my prayer: “God, you see what is lying before me, you see the decision I have to make, you see who will be affected, you know how I will be changed; continue to open the door or slam it shut. Give me your wisdom and discernment. I’m trusting you. If I begin moving in the wrong direction, make it obvious to me, and slam the door shut. In the same way, continue to open the doors and make the way clear for me. Only you can open the doors that no one can close, and only you can close the doors that no one can open.”
So basically, if something doesn’t work out, it is a great answer, in my opinion. If a door continues to open, I am also blessed (and a bit more encouraged than when it slams shut). I’m on this journey with a God who wants me to understand, speak his language, and not be blinded by my surroundings. I can’t help but think that, sometimes, He gets a kick out of my efforts and proudly tells the story of when I understood. I want to be that kid more often.
